Microsoft: Please Name Windows 10 Updates After Dogs

We need to talk, Microsoft. Windows 10 is great, and we’re loving all the new features we get every six months or so. Gold stars all around.

But the names for these updates all suck. I mean, look at this list:

  • November Update
  • Anniversary Update
  • Spring Update
  • Creators Update
  • Fall Creators Update

I made up one of these, but I can’t remember which. And that’s the problem. These names are so generic they’re useless. If I see a headline saying you’re dropping support for “November Update,” I have no idea what that means. I might think it’s coming out this November (It came out two Novembers ago). And if I lived in Australia the “Fall Creators Update” came out in the spring, which is just awful.

You can fix this, Microsoft. Give your updates names that are easy to remember. Names with personality. Names with universal appeal.

Name your Windows 10 updates after dogs.

Seriously, Microsoft: Dogs

You think we’re joking. We’re not. Apple and Canonical both used animal names to great effect, and a decade later I still remember which versions “Breezy Badger” and “Snow Leopard” refer to. If you’re going to have frequent updates, and if users are going to have to keep track of those updates, you need memorable names. Animals are memorable.

So why dogs? First, dogs are awesome. Second, there are hundreds of breeds, so you won’t run out of names like Apple did (silly Apple). And finally, because the branding opportunities are endless. Seriously, look at this:

I’d download that update right now if you offered it, and I wouldn’t even care if if it removed Paint and Notepad.  Imagine the power these dogs could give you.

You can use any of the promotional materials we’ve mocked up, by the way. They’re yours. Just start naming your updates after dogs, please.

I know what you’re thinking: “If we name releases after dogs, how will people know what attribute we’re hoping to focus on? That’s what made “Creators Update” such a winner, after all.” Don’t worry! Dogs are up to the challenge. Dogs can do anything.

Got a release focused on security? Boom.

Got an update with security updates and a bunch of fun features? Go for a playful breed with a tough reputation.

Got an update with annoyingly persistent notifications that yip at you all night? Of course you do.

Or maybe you’ve got an update you’re certain the entire Internet is going to love.

Or, if you’re dead set on sticking seasons into the names, you can.

…but we wouldn’t recommend it.

We could make these all day. The internet is full of very good dogs. But I think we’ve made our point.

We don’t want anything in return for this idea, only for your names to be somewhat distinguishable from each other. You might think this is silly, but honestly, it’s no less so than your current naming scheme.

Photo Credits: photo-nic.co.uk nic, Rachel Omnès,Roberto Vasarri, Hoss, NICOLAS TESSARI, Tereza Hošková, Shannon Richards

Justin Pot is a staff writer for How-To Geek, and a technology enthusiast who lives in Hillsboro, Oregon. Follow him on Twitter and Facebook, if you want. You don't have to.