http://www.howtogeek.com/forum/ How-To Geek Forums Topic: Aircraft maintenance reports. en Fri, 09 Jan 2009 03:55:21 +0000 http://www.howtogeek.com/forum/topic/aircraft-maintenance-reports#post-45325 Tue, 02 Sep 2008 04:13:47 +0000 jack7h3r1pp3r 45325@http://www.howtogeek.com/forum/ <p>i know but it just sounds pretty funny lol </p> http://www.howtogeek.com/forum/topic/aircraft-maintenance-reports#post-45322 Tue, 02 Sep 2008 04:01:05 +0000 raphoenix 45322@http://www.howtogeek.com/forum/ <p>jack,</p> <p>Rats, monkeys, dogs and snakes were all over the place.<br /> Never did see many cats.<br /> (LOL) (LOL)</p> <p>Kindest Regards,<br /> Rick P. &#9829; :) </p> http://www.howtogeek.com/forum/topic/aircraft-maintenance-reports#post-45318 Tue, 02 Sep 2008 03:53:14 +0000 jack7h3r1pp3r 45318@http://www.howtogeek.com/forum/ <p>soo good "Mouse in cockpit.---. Cat installed." </p> http://www.howtogeek.com/forum/topic/aircraft-maintenance-reports#post-45314 Tue, 02 Sep 2008 03:46:25 +0000 raphoenix 45314@http://www.howtogeek.com/forum/ <p>PUPPYDOG,</p> <p>These are are actually true.</p> <p>The maintenance guys in "Nam" loved to make write-up replies like above.<br /> Of course they kept us repaired and flying but the new pilots were just appalled until they got some combat hours in.</p> <p>(LOL)(LOL)<br /> Kindest Regards,<br /> Rick P. &#9829; :) </p> http://www.howtogeek.com/forum/topic/aircraft-maintenance-reports#post-45261 Mon, 01 Sep 2008 23:53:27 +0000 PUPPYDOG 45261@http://www.howtogeek.com/forum/ <p>These amusing communications illustrate the implications of using vague language, as well as the age-old potential for conflict and confusion between operational departments and functions, and the long-suffering tolerance of service and maintenance staff in support of operational personnel found in all industries. </p> <p>Technical problem or defect reported by pilot or crew.---.Remedial action or answer reported by maintenance engineer<br /> Something loose in cockpit.---. Something tightened in cockpit.<br /> Left-inside main tyre (tire) almost needs replacing.---. Almost replaced left-inside main tyre.<br /> Autopilot tends to drop a wing when fuel imbalance reaches 500lbs.---. Flight manual limits maximum fuel imbalance to 300lbs.<br /> Unfamiliar noise coming from No2 engine. Engine run for three hours.---. Noise now familiar.<br /> Mouse in cockpit.---. Cat installed.<br /> Target radar hums.---. Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.<br /> Number three engine missing. [not firing properly presumably].---. Engine found on starboard [right] wing after brief search.<br /> Pilot's clock inoperative.---. Wound clock.<br /> Aircraft handles funny.---. Aircraft told to straighten up, fly right and be serious.<br /> Whining sound heard on engine shutdown.---. Pilot removed from aircraft.<br /> Noise coming from under instrument panel - sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.---. Took hammer away from midget.<br /> Suspected crack in windshield.---. Suspect you are right.<br /> IFF inoperative. [IFF = Identification, Friend or Foe.].---. IFF always inoperative in 'off' mode.<br /> Test flight okay except Auto-Land very rough.---. Auto-Land is not installed on this aircraft.<br /> No2 ADF needle runs wild. [ADF = Automatic Direction Finder/Finding?].---. Caught and tamed No2 ADF needle.<br /> Turn and slip indicator ball stuck in center during turns.---. Congratulations. You just made your first coordinated turn!<br /> Dead bugs on windshield.---. Live bugs on back order.<br /> Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces 200 feet per minute descent.---. Cannot reproduce problem on ground.<br /> Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.---. Evidence removed.<br /> Three roaches in cabin.---. One roach killed, one wounded, one got away.<br /> DME volume set unbelievably loud. [DME = Distance Measuring Equipment?].---. DME volume set to more believable level.<br /> No2 propeller seeping prop fluid.---. No2 propeller seepage normal. Nos 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack normal seepage.<br /> Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.---. That's what they are for. </p>